The Busyness of Distraction During the Pandemic
Is it not amazing how, even during a pandemic, it can seem that time is standing still, and yet we still end up finding ourselves so busy? Perhaps it is not busy, but really just so distracted. Distracted by almost anything. Perhaps it is Netflix, or games, or tic toc, or, just pick your poison of preference. When it comes to social media, or perhaps even worse, the news, we have reason to seek distraction. We’re overloaded with information about the rate of infection of the pandemic, and struggling in the tension of figuring out what the current regulations are of who I can meet with and what stores I can go to and how long will they last. We find ourselves currently in this place of in-between, between being locked-down and not. There are aspects of our days that strangely enough can feel so normal, yet at times we are strongly reminded things are not as they were. Unable to process it all, we seek escape, and busy ourselves. Trust me, I have definitely watched more Netflix this year than any previously, and am continually scrolling through the news, not even knowing why or what I am looking for, or even ´wanting´ to discover.
The Importance of Allowing Yourself to Wander
This idea of wandering has been with me for some time now, and currently is hitting home that much more. I’ve realized just how much I don’t allow myself to wander. I like a good plan, actions, with, of course, a great to-do list in order for me to check it off, because that shows progress, movement forward, and best-of-all, productivity. One time my wife and I were out on a hike, and we had to wander off the path because we had to cut our hike short due to time constraints. Instead of being able to enjoy the wandering-off-the-path to discover new things, I was disappointed that I would not be able to check the hike off in our book as Done. I was focused on what we were not able to do instead of enjoying the unplanned surprises that might come, and the opportunities to Wonder: to be in awe of sights or sounds that were presenting themselves to me. Because I was not allowing myself to Wander, I was not able to be in Wonder.
The Challenge of Allowing Yourself to Wander
This challenged me greatly, even now, way over a year from when it happened. The reality is, which I am just now really beginning to process, so much of that hike is so much like my life. I love the idea of wandering; the concept is so intriguing to me. But my goal orientation dominates over my desire to wander. Wandering can feel so pointless, not an effective or good use of my time. Which, ironically enough, are any of those distractions above really ‘good’ use of my time? Yes, they can be enjoyable, and definitely, a distraction, which, don’t get me wrong, is not always bad. But they never ever really satisfy another craving that I have, especially during this past year, to Wonder - to encounter the beauty and be in awe.
The Sacrifice Required for Wonder
I have discovered that when I allow myself to begin to wander off the beaten path of my day, my week, (honestly, my life) new opportunities present themself for me to be at a place of wonder. In many ways, Wonder is not something that can be produced, but instead is something that can only be experienced when it is encountered, often at times when it is least expected or planned. One of the hardest aspects for me is that it requires one thing: sacrifice. The giving up of, the dying to, our plans or our agendas, or even the timeframe that we so often have laid out for our lives. It means what feels like the giving up of time, which, even during a pandemic, is still such a hot commodity. It feels like giving it up, or, even worse, that time might be lost. I mean, what if I allow myself to wander and I do not experience and sense of wonder? Is it worth the risk? I think that the more important question is: Is not worth the risk? I know that I could use a bit more wonder in my life. Theoretically, this might all sound a bit interesting, perhaps even a bit appealing. But what does it practically mean, practically look like, beside going out to the woods and allowing myself to wander about, which is really something that is always feasible? The word ‘wandern’ means “to hike” in German, which I never really processed before actually writing this post. Strangely enough, the definition of wandering in English has nothing to do with hiking; perhaps it was just my own misconception.
The Definition of Wander
“Wander,” according to Merriam Webster’s online Definition is to move about without a fixed course, aim, or goal to go idly about : to follow a winding course : MEANDER: to go astray (as from a course) : STRAY wandered away from the group : to go astray morally : ERR: to lose normal mental contact : stray in thought his mind wandered. I personally loved the to lose normal mental contact. I mean, what is normal mental contact these days amidst a pandemic?
Being Present and Aware while Wandering
To wander, for me, means to allow myself to be in the moment, as opposed to trying to be five or ten steps ahead of myself. It is allowing myself on the walk to the grocery not already imagining myself at the grocery and only wishing I was there, which is sometimes hard during cold, dark wet winter days in Berlin. It is allowing myself to be present and aware of my surroundings and trying to take them in, as almost for the first time. It is being open to taking a new way there, possibly even a longer way there, as opposed the way I always go because it is familiar or the shortest. Allowing ourselves to wander, to go astray from course, allows us to be freshly awakened out of our numbness and forces us to become more aware of our surroundings. Being forced to become more of our surroundings is what creates the opportunities wonder, as we see things for the first time, with new and fresh eyes. I love walking around my neighborhood in Berlin with a friend who has never been here before. They have such wonder and awe at the things around me, things that I now not only just take for granted, but in many ways am now blind to and do not even see. I need to be awakened from the daze I can so often find myself.
The Risky Challenge of Allowing the Mind to Wander
To wander, for me, means to lose normal mental contact, to stray in thought, which is an idea that I love and fear at the same time. I think this can be the riskiest challenge, especially when it comes to feeling that time is wasted. I am the type of person who can have a million thoughts going through my mind, which can feel quite overwhelming, oppressive, and can create stress and anxiety. I often find myself just trying to quiet my mind, so that I do not feel distracted or overwhelmed. Ironically enough, what my mind really needs is time to wander, for me to be able to go through the thoughts, not all at once, but one at a time, and even to allow them to ebb and flow between one another and possibly even merge. Allowing my mind to wander has allowed me to wonder at times at the connections between some of my thoughts going through my mind. Allowing my mind to wander has created opportunities to explore these thoughts and ideas and concepts at a deeper level, as opposed to trying to push them to the side and focus on more important things, more productive things. Allowing my mind to wander has actually brought me to a place of wonder, as much of those wanderings have become the blog posts that I have written and have yet to write.
The Productivity of Allowing Ourselves to Wander
I am learning to allow my mind to wander while just sitting and having a cup of coffee, allowing my pen to wander as well, across the page as I journal, or allowing my paintbrush to wander across the canvas before me. I am learning to give myself permission to sit, to stop, to wander. In a world that is obsessed with over-productivity, who is to say that allowing ourselves to wander and be in wonder is not exactly the productivity we need? I need to let go of the fears that I have that if I wander I might get lost, in which ironically enough, the wandering might actually provide more clarity as I find a new way, one not yet discovered. I need to let go of trying to understand everything, allowing not only my mind to wander, letting go of my analytical nature and instead also allowing my heart to wander as I discover new passions and joy. I crave wonder, that deep sense of beauty and awe, not just in the big things, but the small things of our everyday lives that surround us, that we are all too often too blind and distracted to see.
Creating Space and Time to Wander
Most of all, I am discovering that, to wander, one needs to create the space and the time to do so. To allow my agendas to fall aside, to enjoy the moment and being open to see the wonders around me and in me. To allow the fears of what others might think or say to be overpowered by the opportunity to invite others into the wandering with me, to get ‘lost’ together. Therefore a desire of mine for 2021 is to find more time to wander. I’m not sure about you, but after 2020, I know that I could use a bit more wonder in my life. A hope of mine is actually to get to a place where I am able to wonder as I wander. Imagine, just imagine, what it could mean or look like…